Hello Again
Well its the late night shift.
I have been without diet coke for nearly a week, and have read up on it some more and it is scary. My mind boggles with the thought of the potential damage that could be caused by the intake of it. I have a feeling I will start feeling healthier without it.
I think I am moving closer to my calling.. ppl talk to me.. I find it hard to understand sometimes. Considering how hard I find it to communicate my real feelings about things, perhaps this is my karma, to learn from others how to be open.
Someone I barely knew when I was on a BBS cropped op in an IRC channel I was in. He was sorta a fringe dweller, sometimes hung out in the same group, and apparently attended my 21st (amazing cos I don't remember inviting him). Recently he's been online and shit stirring..
The other night took the cake. He claimed he knew me, like cos he remembered where I lived, and who my friends were. Then he brought up stuff about my former friend of 10 years from school. In the main channel where I was talking, I went ballistic, and probably making the whole situation worse.
There are reasons why ppl stay not spoken about. She was one of them. I took 5 yrs off chat channels to break completely from the past and to reinvent myself.. the stuff I went through during the last 18 months of our friendship I will never forget. I still have not accepted, and I want to know why people said and did the things that said and did, and thought nothing of the consequences.
Compared to who I was before, I am a shadow of my former self. All I can think of was I did something really bad to get the shit I did. Hence my beliefs in Karma, my initial reactions to my experiences created negative Karma.. now I take everything in my stride. Occasionally I allow myself to feel anger. But more recently, I have found the anger returns much quicker.
I perceive this as a fault, and aim to control my anger and emotional outbursts (grin)
Take care lovely ppls