still going..
I have another blog that I usually talk about my training and losing weight stuff, and it’s personal and not public. However I thought I would share some of the thoughts that have been cycling around in my head since I started with a trainer.
I had my workout with my sadistic trainer today, and I was in alot of pain. I ended up crying, or struggling not to cry for most of it. She upped the ante somewhat - and really really pushed me.
I think somehow working out is like.. physical psychotherapy. I could feel all the emotional crap bubbling to the surface as I was struggling, the fears of failing, terrified of not succeeding in losing the weight and becoming a healthy person.
I could never put myself through some of the stuff other people do who need to lose weight. The stomach banding, or bypass surgery. It’s too easy, but also very dangerous, and really there’s nothing wrong with my eating habits. I have a slow metabolism, and a job which isn’t very active, and found that I avoided having people notice me if I had a weight problem. With the pain I am going through I have realised that if I was doing this for anyone else, other than myself, I would have given up long ago, and I haven’t - so my motives are pure.