so tired
There are times like today where I sit in my room, isolated, and close my eyes, imagining my life differently. Some aspects at least. What would I be like if I was alone, or lived alone, what would my beliefs in life would be, would I be doing the stuff I am doing now if it wasn’t for the choices I have made. Chances are, no.
Do i want to change the direction I am heading? Yes for sure I do. I know that to the core of my soul each time I go to work, look out over the river at lunch time, every time I walk home, every time I eat, every day I wake up. I feel like road blocks are put in place to make my journey that little bit harder. Harder to say no, to walk away from my past, and current life, harder to to step blindly into the next phase.
There’s alot more out there for me. I don’t want to spend my life in one place, in one city, never moving and exploring the world around me. I just didn’t think I would need to work as hard as I am doing so now.
Mum’s had health issue after issue recently, the latest being a mole cut from her arm was a malignant stage 3 carcinoma on her arm. Now I need to get myself tested. Then she developped shingles. Dad is looking tired and worried about mum and making her take baths in dettol to stop the shingles from getting infected and sore.
M is a bottomless pit of money sucking. I am going to stop telling him how much I get paid and start moving money across to the new savings account.
Too tired to give a damn about spelling or typos. All I do is work, and I have no reward for it. I get nothing. Just more work, more bills.