I have nothing to write about today. My mind is blank.I wonder if it is writer’s block. Or a statement on being a vacuous female. I need a decent bed. *sigh*

I changed some things, not everything to do with my blog. Now it’s a plain carcrash(tm) of a blog and not just something that fell off the back of a truck. I made the ying yang picture myself using gimp. I’m not much of a graphic artist - try not at all, but at least it’s mine. I’ll probably design a better one later. What I am wanting to do is to create a space for myself. I got rid of the death counter - so many dead now, i don’t think we’ll ever know the real picture. That should make my right wing friends happy.

I applied for an internal job as a advisor/assistant team leader this week at work. I’ve been filling out the application, which had 3 tough questions.. but the last one was the hardest in a way. Something to the effect of “what is lacking in your current role?”. Good question, and perhaps a bit of a trick question. I don’t think anything is lacking in my current position at all. I love it. It’s full of variety and even if I don’t get it, I will be doing additional training for ADSL support which is something I have been working for, for quite some time.

One of my friends (male) from work asked me out for a coffee last night, and I didn’t think anything of it at first, and then i had a horrible thought. So I saw someone else I am friends with downstairs when work was done and invited her too. We had a lovely chat for a couple of hours and when it was time to go, my friend turned around and asked if I wanted to stay for another coffee, and internally I was going “eeeek” so I smiled and said “no, i have stuff to do tomorrow and I need to go home, eat and sleep” and walked off with my other friend (female). Call me paranoid.. but I just didn’t want to do the lets sit alone with a guy for coffee, I suggest that to my single male friends who wanna ask a chick out as its a nice casual in. I don’t know I’ll be doing that again in a hurry.

Harsh reality bout my home life is starting to make itself known to me. M has pulled away and the void I have been putting off for four years has started seeping into my life. I’ve done a bit of night time tears over the last few nights, and during the day and I wish that I could work all the time so I didn’t have to think about home at all. I need more space. I am reminded of the fear that everyone felt in the Neverending Story - of “the nothing”. It creeps into their world as children of the world stop reading. Well a similar kind of “nothing” I guess I feel is creeping into my world as I watch someone who loves me slowly close himself off to me, and for a while, I had that as a security blanket - but it’s going. And soon there’s one less person in the world that loves me.

More work stuff.. it consumes my life when it’s not home issues.

I love it. When I want to forget about home, I work lots. I get extra work from work.. yay me. I am nearly through my assignment which is the last of my written stuff. I’ve done the assessments for level 2 pay .. which gives me.. ooh an extra 500 a year and I am going to apply for a position as an advisor.. sure, it’s only 7 months - but why not! I can do the job, I can still learn lots, and i am sure I can bring skills into the position that some of the others don’t have .. like internet
I’ll have to think up some answers for the questions I have tomorrow.. and help a friend with a job.

Jus - thanks for today’s talk - even if it was a catch up. I know I can be distant at times, but I don’t really like talking about real life issues on IRC. I am glad you are feeling well, and I think if you exercise more often, You won’t need help to walk and you can storm around on Your own two feet.

I learnt today that Sidarthur reached enlightment in six years. I wonder how long it will take me?

Early mornings in lollyland start at 2.45am when she gets up to get ready for work, which starts at 5am for the next 2 whole weeks. [insert smurfs music] After showering and dressing, it’s the usual round of reading emails and getting off to work in time. Soon after she arrive’s lori is taking calls from people who have no idea about how to read their contracts or customer agreements. Happily she denies others from trying to make payment arrangements since once again they have left it too late to make alternative arrangements.

[smurf music continues]

Next lori deals with an angry customer who doesn’t like their call rates, lori points out to the customer that it’s only the second time in 8 months their bill has gone over $130 and that the average per month is $65 - the customer becomes rude and abusive and lori convinces them that they want to upgrade their plan.

[more smurf stuff]

Evenually lori makes it down to the networking cave where mrmoron is trynig to confuse the issue when we set up ADSL router to see what it’s like from the customer point of view. Man in driver’s seat ignores what lori is pointing out (the obvious) and stuffs around with the settings before eventually agreeing that perhaps she is right. end result- one adsl router working perfectly.

[/end smurf music]

I need a nap. *skips off to bed*

Well another week over thank god and I have got through it relatively unscathed.

The air quality is crap however due to the horrendous fires that have surrounded the city giving us the most pollution ever recorded. Right now even natives from los angeles would have a problem breathing in our city. I guess we have experienced what sydneysiders have had for the last couple of years with all their bushfires, and WA govt. practices in prescribed burning to keep the fire risk low, so yes, this was pretty bad. On Friday on the way to work it felt like I was walking in water, I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs to breathe and i don’t have asthma. I feel bad for the people who do!

I went out for the first time in ages with a friend, MsD, last night and was her “handbag” as she went looking for a MsX she knows through email. Much to my amusement, we see this chick who matches the general description of the one she is looking for, and she’s very hot looking I guess. MsD was standing there saying to me “I dont know if I should!” I am doing the dutiful thing and murmuring words of encouragement

Eventually my friend gets the courage to go ask her, and doh! it’s not her! So we toddle off to talk to another friend, MsC, and low and behold.. MsX, the girl that that MsD was looking for, is here with MsC! what are the odds! So after some giggling we introduces ourselves to everyone, and then I am told for the next hour by MsC that lesbians play mind games and don’t date one. “ok i’ll keep that in mind!” i say and sip my lemon lime and bitters with gusto.

Much dancing was done and I should point out that it was a great night to be out, music and stuff, and for a change - not alot of smoke in the air so it didn’t feel like I was breathing fire, nice breeze and warm night. MsC however was having her own crises with the object of her unrequited lust/love/like flirting like mad with some other chicks and a guy. It was painful to watch, and I liken it to watching a car crash in slow motion.

Work has been busy lately - which is good because it means my calltimes are coming down. Stops the nagging kaiser from busting my ass when I have call times of 10 mins per call. Might be due to the fact I am busy helping people! but what the heck.. he’s only doing it because if his team doesn’t meet their targets, he doesn’t get his bonus next quarter. So keeping this in mind, my team is shrinking. Four people have been ‘asked’ to resign or sacked, in the last 4 weeks. I am thinking of talking to Kaiser on monday and saying “so.. i wanna swap teams, seems like everyone in this one is getting the boot” and seeing what he does He’s very straight laced so I think I can get him on this one
I could bitch about this chick at work, but it’s a waste of energy. *sigh* but she talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks. Get the idea? I had to sit next to her on Wednesday, and I wanted to kill her. thankfully we were so busy on Friday that there was no time to talk, just work.

I think I’ve come through the last irc crisis without too many bruises and scratches. I am thankful for that. I was however pretty gutted when I found out F (friend) was no longer my friend due to something I may have said to another person ..blahblah.. I guess he doesn’t know the full story, and I am not inclined to tell him. We’re kind of friends again, but alot of damage has been done. I have to remember it’s IRC - I can walk away from it and live my life, it doesn’t rule my life. It’s nice to see that we’re able to get on with the business of helping now that the bullshit has been dealt with. Whatever i have been called over the last few days/weeks - powerhungry would be the last thing that i should be called. I didn’t actually get anything out of it. I’m still the same level I was before, I still help as I did before - so my world hasn’t changed in the slightest, except there’s less stress. Having the full time job away from the home rather than working from home is a godsend
I have decided that over the last few weeks, I needed more guidance on how I live. I try and practice a little form of Zen in my life. I only worry about something that directly effects me at the time. Due to the shit with M, and the need to re-evaluate things, I have set some goals i need to achieve - and try to learn how to relax. I have purchased a book called “Idiot’s guide to Zen living” So now I learn about the 8 paths, 4 truths etc, and I’ll let you know if I reach the state of nirhvana.

I think I’ll redesign the blog - raina had a point.. does look like a car crash, but not everyone has website programming skills like she does - I think for self taught skills I do ok. I happen to know thanks to David, that he can read my blog with IE3

I need to make a few changes anyway. It’s been the same for a year and it’s boring. I’ll use some of my |337 html skills to put together something else. I might get rid of tagboard. I might also get rid of my lil buttons except the union one - that’s important.

Since I am newly single/seperated - it’s time for a change.

I’ve done alot of talking to old friends, and might yet salvage something from this mess. I pissed off other friends and I get the feeling they don’t see where i am coming from, or why I choose to forgive rather than condemn others involved - there’s alot more involved, but that’s ok. we’ll work it with them and figure it out eventually

I love my friends

I haven’t written about IRC for ages.

Hippychick lied.

Since I am bound by confidentiality rules, and she knows it - I can’t address alot of stuff, or defend myself. How convenient for her.

Raina -

You’re not perfect. You’re a selfish woman. You talk only about yourself and have no interest in anyone else. The fact that I threw away some good friends because I believed in you - I now sit back in wonderment and how quickly you turned on me and assumed and accused me of wanting your precious petty 295 position on the network. I don’t give a rats ass about it. I notice you didn’t mention THAT in your darling website.

You also didn’t mention that you pasted from a management channel to a non manager. Regardless of the content - You don’t paste. Have you forgotten that you suspended an ASD member for pasting 7 months ago? How can we expect to have any integrity with anyone on the network, if managers can’t follow the same rules as everyone else? You also didn’t mention the reply you got from someone who is on the abuse team.

So here we are Raina - You besmirch my character - You are nasty about Roger - You sink to new petty lows when you pick on things like typos and grammar. I am sure you are holding your head high It’s convenient being the martyr, isn’t it Raina?

Have a nice life.

S W E E R. . . . . . .