more entries from my mind
It’s getting easier to tell people that M and I have broken up. I feel like I am distributing my grief around a bit.
I spoke to mum and told her everything; I feel much better, and had my first nights sleep without feeling like I was going to die.. since I have been verging on having a panic attack for the last few months - in fact, the oppressive stressed sensations are abating.. and I have compartmentalised the grief.. and a cry every so often makes me feel better and better.
I told P and T about M and I breaking up, and that I want everyone to not be angry, but treat M as they normally do.. No anger or blame to be apportioned anywhere, there’s no one to blame. No one to get angry at, I have to let go of my anger.
And I am excited 
I have a new future to plan.. more weight to lose, trips to go on, and I don’t even fear being single again. My friend D is so desperate not to be alone.. and right now, I just don’t care. It’s last on my list of things to worry about. Heh. I told T and P that if D opens her mouth one more time to whinge about her life - I won’t hold back. I like being honest. As I said last night to my other friends, she should try being me and find out how fucked up real life and relationships are.