I know I haven’t posted for a while, but when a person usually logs into blogger, and you have selected to remember the password all the time. Today however, it seems like blogger is aware I haven’t been around and presented me a screen with.. enter your name and password.. so seems like it was making a point. It forgot who I was because I don’t visit it! I shall have to work harder visiting blogger so that it will remember who I am and welcome me with open arms.. rather than some frosty none personal name and password box with remember me option unticked.

I have been very busy due to work. I have found that work has been emotionally and intellectually very challenging, which has meant I have had to work and adapt to new situations and locations and do it all with a smile on my face.

One of my best friends visited me last week, and I spent some time burning incence, playing music and playing with her runes and cards that she left for me to look at on sat night. We watched the storm cloud sitting over the city earlier in the afternoon before she went home, and the lightning show was quite spectacular. I wish it could have lasted longer however. I love rain. She left a bottle of wine here, and I am wondering if I should open it and have a glass or two tonight.

They asked me to help out taking calls from a sister company due to some technical difficulties resulting in numerous calls from customers, and originally I was told it was for a few days with some TOIL thrown in to make me feel good. I didn’t want to, but working in a corporate environment I know how it goes. You say no, and later on down the track, when it’s between you and another person for some cool job, they look at the other person and think.. they said yes when we were in crisis.. she did not, lets go with the other person.

So I said yes, and then the few days became an extra week. However by the time this week was agreed to, it wasn’t taking calls, it was doing advisors stuff which I do anyways, but helping coach the draftees into the sister company on how to take the calls and what the calls were about and communications. However after 3 days of this, I was advised I’d be shipped off to another business to help out the temps that we had brought on board to deal with some of the overflow.

Sure.. no problems… Now I drive from my house less than 3kms from the city centre up to Joondalup every weekday until further notice, starting at 6am, and a co-worker gets to start later because he doesn’t have a car and needs to get public transport. The first day we were there, we helped the temps learn how to troubleshoot, how to ask questions to find out what the problem was, how to resolve the problem.

Second day, still lots of followups being requested, so we focussed on consolidation of the training given, and asking for help before calls for followup were being requested. A good tactic by the TLIC of the team of temps. He’s quite a nice guy too, kind of cute, and we’ll call him DJ. DJ seems very mild mannered, passive, but after a customer speaking to one of the temps called him a pussy for not taking an escalated call, he shrugged and went back to what he was doing, he just didn’t give a rats. I wouldn’t have either, but it made me laugh. There’s a bit of steel in his eye, so I imagine when he’s in serious mode he’s quite firm and determined.

Followups dropped by over half in one day, and call volumes across both companies have also fallen significantly in 3 days. A huge achievement as a result of having K and myself - and we’re very happy about this.

So whilst that’s a report on my work life a little bit. What about me? Since this is about me and what I am feeling.

I’m over it. I don’t think about what if’s anymore with M. I sleep at night without the radio on now. I like my own company, and currently have removed the phone from the wall, and turned the mobile off, and sitting on IRC doing nothing except catching up with friends I haven’t had the time for, for quite some time.

I have started drawing. I don’t think I am ever going to be an artist, but I know that each time I draw something, it looks better than the last attempt. Eventually I’ll move from pencils to something a little more artistic. I guess I am trying to do all the things I have wanted to do for a long time, but never been motivated or had the reason to try. Since I am alone now, I am wanting to try different things to discover if I have any hidden talents.

I have a guitar that I want to learn how to play, a bicycle I am going to fix up and ride to work on. I am suddenly for the first time, learning that it’s all about me right now. There’s more I’s and me’s and my’s when I talk to people about stuff. I’m noticing guys - not that I want to date any, but I am noticing them. I am happy. I drove home from another day at work with a big smile on my face as I saw the work and training I had put into these strangers bear fruit.

I am finding me.

A question now springs to mind.. How often do we sit in the dark?

The light fades and darkness closes in like a blanket around you, and yet still you sit in silence.

I listen to the sounds of the traffic on the highway. Each car contains a person with a life, dreams, hopes, disappointments, they’ve been in love, they’ve been lied to, maybe one of them killed a person and hopes they aren’t caught. Another car drives by, and perhaps she cheated on her husband, Or he dresses likes dressing up in female underwear.

I tend to forget at times that each person I talk to, has experiences in life affect them like me. Things happen to them, which enrich, or hurt their lives, or they could be a perfect person, just waiting to crack. They could be boring or very interesting.

I focus on the screen of my laptop and just stare at it, feeling the darkness slide in, removing my sense of location. I realise that there will never be someone who thinks like I do, or will have my experiences, or react like I do.

I realise that I am alone. It’s not how I planned it. I’m not afraid of it right now, I accept that this is my reality, and it may change or it may not.

edit: oops forgot to publish this last night

Total Volume Of Music On My Computer�
600 megs, mostly at the moment, dido, robbie williams, since i copied all of them onto my pc so i could listen to them whilst online, and I have great stereo headsets, and Astral projection.

The Last CD I Bought Was�
Dido, Room for Rent…

Five Songs I Listen To A Lot, or Mean A Lot To Me�
Wish you were here, Pink floyd
Angels, Robbie williams
Poor leno, Royksopp
change your mind, Paul Kelly
Who wants to live forever, Queen.

I’d pass it on to people.. but i dont know enough who care. Maybe Tom!

I read something interesting last night when I was browing the websites around the place. A lake disappeared in China.

This is from the ABC website here in Oz.

Missing: one Russian lake

A Russian village has been left baffled after its lake disappeared overnight.

“I am thinking, well, America has finally got to us,” she said as she sat on the ground outside her house.

I have to wonder.. where the hell did the lake go? I have a few suggestions..

1: Someone flushed.
2: aliens needed to refill their radiator after busting a hose when flying through the meteroid field next to Mars
3: It appears drought ridden NSW has suddenly discovered a previously undiscovered freshwater later, freshly dug, trees are being planted this sunday.
4: A nuclear reactor near by was experiencing a meltdown and needed backup water.
5: Hey! Everyone needs to go on a holiday now and then! Lakes need holidays too!
PS: Comments back up soon

Dear Diary.. It’s been a few days since I last posted, but it’s not because I don’t love you, but more because I have been so flat out busy since the company I work for took on an extra 40 thousand customers, and the previous company managing them fucked up so the migration did bad things to customer’s accounts, account histories, email addresses and internet connections.

I was pressganged into helping out the sister company and my shift times were changed to early 6am starts. Every day I got up at 4am, and made my way into work, and took abusive phone calls for 8 hours… every single day, same abuse, same issues. No real idea about when it would be resolved. So from Sunday for a week, I work taking the same shit calls for half of my shift, and offer support to other consultants from my company who are assisting taking all the overflow from the other company and being their gofer for the other half. There’s alot of anger aswell.

I was angry all week. I would go to bed angry, grind my teeth and wake up with a sore jaw and go to work angry. There was no opportunity to exercise much since I had to work longer hours whilst I was there and I was too emotionally exhausted to do anything once I walked out of that building.

Weather-wise it’s a mixed bag of joy. I love the rain, I love that its wet, cold-ish, that it’s been storming and the chaos. However there’s been some bad news in my unit. The storm on early monday morning blew one of my rose bushes off the balcony. I was quite devasted, however I am over it and all plants are now down on the floor in case it happens again. However, other things happened, like ceiling has developped a slow leak as the upstairs balcony has no water sealant, and after years of neglect, the water has mad it through to my loungeroom floor. There’s a bucket under the offending leak.. however there’s water damage on the carpet and the ceiling.

I think I’ll be walking to work next week as a source of destressing
Oh and my work has moved!! how excitement!

My favourite BB quote btw, has to be Christie!

“I am very intellect”

Not bad for the ultimate package.. *cough*

Almost a normal day..

I’ve removed comments from my blog and the tag board. People should have my email address if comments need to be made..

It was two of my best friends birthdays over the last 7 days. P had his birthday last friday, and on M’s birthday, had his party. Effectively stealing it. On the upside, M got happy birthday song sung to him aswell and he gorged himself on cake
It was a good night. It was the first time I had been in a party situation with no partner to snuggle or cuddle up with in a long long time. I think maybe it was a good thing. I found I was particularly vocal in giving my opinion and making comments, and I made a bad pun at the expense of the TV show 24. I said something to the effect of, anymore of those series coming out and they’ll have a box set called 168. This got some laughter and groans.

V made a comment that i seemed sharper and more vicious, a side of me she hadn’t seen before. I commented to her that it’s always been there, just haven’t had it on display for everyone to see. I guess she’s never seen it, but I felt uninhibited. Not sure if I was flirting with one guy, but we’ve met before and I’ve given him lifts home after previous parties, and I did again last night. He has changed since the last time I saw him. Sides with M there, I hope I didn’t do anything to make him feel upset.

Speaking of upset, he hasn’t rung me today. We’re supposed to be going out tomorrow. I do think I am over us. I get sad when i think about it, his issues, and how i was lied to, but I get upset when I think about one of my ex best friends betraying me. So, I don’t think it means I yearn for him. More like, I care that he hurts and I want him to feel better about us, and himself.

Wasn’t the gridlock in Perth traffic absolutely fascinating? We watched cars not move from our office windows, and thought, it will be clear by the time we go home…. what a crock. Took me an hour to get out of the city and I parked at the causeway!

Slack weekend coming up for me, and I am very happy about that.

I have spent some time talking to dad about stuff to do with his work, and found that there are employers in the workplace who will sack a man when he’s on worker’s comp. Dad injured his shoulder and within a week, had his first warning and then a month later, 2 more warnings. The last one said he had to improve the performance of the store by jan 20, and considering he got the warning on Dec 15, and he went on holidays on Dec 20. There was no opportunity for him to do anything.

When he got back to work, he was given a choice, resign and get his entitlements, or get sacked, then be re-employed as a casual. Since at the time mum was in hospital, he didn’t have much of a choice, so has been working casually for the fucker since then.

The boss I think is having his life dictated to him by his ex GF, her mother, and possibly being blackmailed since the idiot also has a wife in crime scene. I have to ask, what kind of retard breaks all sorts of IR rules and doesn’t think about the consequences? Unbelieveable.

I feel sorry for dad. He’s 62. He was a store manager for two stores, how can he be expected to find another job at his age? Some employers suck ass.

I feel like doing the angsty teen stuff and pasting lyrics to a song and agonising about how shit life is. Well. I don’t really - but sometimes when I wander around the blogiverse I see how easy it is to do that, and revert back to it.

But, I do have a line from a pink floyd song floating around my head that’s been there for a few days. It’s been nearly 6 months this week that M and I called it quits. Obviously, less since I moved out. Not sure how I feel about it. Probably a bit happier overall, and no nightmares.

So then, if I am beginning to feel happier, why do I have those lyrics stuck in my mind circling like sharks? After discussions with M about a few things over the last week or so, I have found he’s let go of me. He’s not rung me at all except to say that he didn’t need a lift to his mother’s house today for mother’s day.

On the work front it’s been interesting.

My TL is sick, and with all the recent leadership changes that have been going on, there is speculation that he’s on the outer, but I think it’s just because he has the flu. The ADSL troubleshooting training I helped conduct was pretty enjoyable - except that I froze to start with, however I found my feet and ripped through it, giving hints on how to dumb down troubleshooting questions and some fixes and shortcuts around other situations.

I have asked for feedback be sent to my TL so he’s aware that I worked on it and perhaps achieved some stuff he wanted to create in an action plan for me. I also had to assist with creating some of the training material aswell. He didn’t actually get to put the action plan together, due to the fact he just didn’t have time. Overall tho, from what I have heard I did ok
I took a nasty escalated call from a man who was very abusive, not swearing, but using words and speaking in a manner that totally was evil. He came across as a misogynist. He totally demeaned the girl he had spoken to before, and me. I ended up giving him the information he wanted, however I should have been alot firmer. I ended the call and felt like crying. I’ve put notes in his file to request he get put through to me next time, and asked a TL to give me feedback on the call, so I can tell him where to go
I have had a few calls from men of his particular racial background, and alot of them do seem to think that women shouldn’t be working at all. I was surprised that he didn’t call me an Aussie slut at the end of the call. Who knows, perhaps I’ll get lucky next time when I get to talk to him. However, I do see and encounter these ppl from this particular racial background on other internet mediums, and whilst I usually get stroppy when people bag them out, after some of the conversations I have had this week, maybe some of the opinions are right.