Regret
I found a website today that has been hawked around for a while, but I never looked at it before until tonight. It’s called PostSecret. The concept behind it is you write your most deepest darkest secret and put it on a postcard that you make, and send it in. I thought I’d go look.
I was reminded of all the stuff I keep bottled up inside when I read the post cards, things about people being molested, their unworthy thoughts, the person who hates saving people’s lives, the woman who was raped and how she felt about it. All the fears and insecurities that humans have which make them unique. I write a quite shallow and vapid blog because I don’t want people finding out about my fears, and hopes for my future and then belittling me for it.
I see some people blogging who cop the flack for their honesty. I just am not one of them yet.
I’ve been pretty low emotionally and physically for a few weeks and went to the doctors again today and got antibiotics for the abcess that I have in my tooth/gum. He said that judging from the toothache going on two weeks, and the steady decline in my health he thought it was a good idea that I take antibiotics as now I have developped a chest infection and he felt I needed to treat it sooner rather than later.
I have resolved no more painkillers. They didn’t work over the weekend, and after the last two weeks I figure I can put up with almost any pain. Mum believes that toothaches are worse than having contractions when giving birth. My mind boggles at that one. I called M last night and cried on the phone to him for an hour before being able to sleep. and I felt much better about it afterwards.
I hate the night when I am sick.
Once again I get off track by talking about me.. (gee it is my blog) but I need to say something else about the postcards blog. I couldn’t help but think, that if Chris had read this site, that maybe, he might not have taken his life and that he’d find hope in what he read. So I guess my thought is, if you know anyone who’s depressed, feeling low, or someone that you care about and just want them to feel better, show them that blog.