It’s weird being at work today. One of the long term employees of the company I work for, left after 5 years to pursue further study in the area of his degree. He may or may not be back, but that doesn’t really bother me. We always seemed to have deep conversations about life the universe, anything - to use a popular phrase, but there you go. I never talked to him alot because as usual, when in the presence of minds who are intellectually challenging, I won’t talk to these intellectual people until I understand them a little better.

As a result of talking to him over the last few weeks, I have got to know him alot better than the last 6 months I have worked with him. His views on life, meditation, very similar to M and his belief in taoism. I am inspired to read the Art of Living Zen and start drawing on that text to develop my own sense of self further. Last night I started to do some meditation and lay in bed
before sleep, staring at the ceiling, letting the darkness close in around me. After a while, I saw gold light flowing across my eyeballs mixed with green and a pinkish colour. It was like watching a river when the sun is sitting and seeing the reflections of gold light at the bottom. I had a good sleep after my meditation, and I’ll be trying that again tonight.

My efforts to turn blonde and become a different aspect of me are working slowly, with alot more attention being directed at me. Interesting really. I am going to conduct a social experiment on myself over the next few months, concentrating on getting fit, and turning blonde. One point being that people who are easier on the eye (not that I am horrible looking) will get further in their careers - but secondly and the important point: Will the new outer me,
make any difference to the inner me?

Why is it important to me? To change my outward appearance? I don’t suffer a real lack of self worth. I do have self confidence problems, and in a way, what I am trying to do will attempt to give me a little more belief in myself. How does looking better help? I don’t know if it will. I don’t believe it will, however the journey I take to find out will help and hopefully be enjoyable.

There might be other reasons. Being single is one of them. Do I want to attract another partner or have anyone in mind? I do have someone in mind, but right now it’s a pipe dream Let’s deal with me first before I look at getting involved with another human being. Since I am the kind of girl who is a relationship only type person, I am going to find it hard to get out there one on one for a “good time”. I think what I will do, is keep doing my group thing with friends and refine my confidence that way. Learn how to circulate again and be sociable.

It’s been two days of relaxation and rest. One of my close friends got a job working for the Borg in the city, and her base payrate, after penalties is higher than mine *sigh*. However I am very pleased for her. We met up for coffee and had a good ole chat about clothes shopping. She got lots of groovy clothes and I am sitting there thinking.. I need more clothes - but I have to wait till my next pay.

People downstairs played their crappy music again today. I think they need a new CD. Thanks to the suggestion from one of my friends that they bring their subwoofers to my place and place em face down and play some pink floyd into my neighbour’s flat below. However, I think for the moment I’ll let the evil strata company do their work. Accuse innocents like me for having satellite (i wish) and NOT FIX THE LEAKY CEILING IN MY FLAT.. *rant over*

I am going out tonight to see Rove! How excitement! He is a Perth comedian that has made it big on TV.. Perth’s got some great comedians, i used to go to the comedy nights in Freo once a month at a bar. I never made it to the comedy nights at the Brass Monkey in the city. Probably something I should start doing again.

For some deeper thoughts - when I was driving home I noticed the space station. We can see that in the south western? sky at night. I looked up at it, and knew that up there on that bright dot in the sky, there was a group of people examining the space shuttle, busy doing whatever they do up there and being scientific about it. I had an image of lil space lego people, working on their space station.

Their shuttle floating next to it:

And lego men floating around trying to fix the shuttle..

A bit juvenile, but when you look at the bright dot in the sky, and know that there’s humans on it, doing things but they are so small, it’s almost cartoon like. I hope they make it back safely.

For those who have the old freakychick.blogspot.com web address - yes dave, that means you - and others please note the new blog address.

http://www.freakychick.net/

I’ve been using the freakychick.net address for a couple of years, but now hosting it elsewhere not on blogspot and using WordPress.

I can’t believe it.

The assholes downstairs, probably the ones who own the stupid FOXTEL satellite dish I am being blamed for, turned on their fscking stereo at 3fsking am in the morning. I think it was spiderbait they were playing. They sang along with it particularly badly and they had the stereo on in the room immediately below my bedroom and WOKE ME UP.

I have done the “i am going to emulate the mrCreep upstairs thing” and written a complaint and emailed it to my property manager at 3.15am this morning.

Hi Tracey

I’m writing to you at 3.15am this morning to complain about the people downstairs who have decided to turn on their stereo really loudly at 3am in the morning and woke me UP and it’s still going and I can hear them singing to it - to the point that they I know they are singing off key. I don’t particularly feel like wandering downstairs right now to bang on their door in the middle of the night to ask them to turn it off. I would like to complain about the fact that they ARE playing spiderbait or similar album extremely loudly in the room directly underneath my bedroom, since it doesn’t seem AS loud when I sit out in the loungeroom right now.

I probably am coming across totally crabby and neurotic, but as you can appreciate - we all need sleep when we have a particularly full working day ahead in the morning. I am very tired. I feel sorry for any customers that have to talk to me tomorrow.

Regards

Lori

Let’s see how they like being complained about. It’s not the first time they have had the music on this loud late at night. On Monday they had it on around midnight - that’s ok, I don’t go to bed until 1am due to shift work. However, at 3am, I am in bed and sleeping. I take customer complaint calls, I meant what I said in my email, I feel sorry for any customers that I need to speak to in the morning.

I had to get money from the ATM today, and I was reminded of when I was at Cannington Carousel last week and needed to get money from one of the ATM’s near one of the banks. I rocked up and did the rummage around the purse to find the card shuffle and slipped the card in and started to press the buttons..

Yes I want money, No i don’t want a receipt, I want an “other amount” not your preset 20,50,100,200,500 options, oh hey.. I notice when I move I can see a round circle behind a thick darkened glass panel. I move back and forth a bit like a pigeon.. and then wave as I get my money and count it in front of the camera.

So, I hope they don’t decide to air that particular clip on Australia’s most wanted, or Candid Camera - even funniest home videos… I’d look particularly like a dickhead.

I’ve lived in homes where a strata company has looked after the units, how they look, what gets installed etc etc. Including installation of FoxTel. Something I haven’t used since I can’t afford it, and no one here wants it.. or do they? ….

Lori, [hmmm, no Dear Lori]

The strata company have contacted our office as there is a foxtel dish installed on the common roof that is hooked up for foxtel into your unit. [There is? I had no idea]

The strata company has advised that this dish needs to be removed immediately. [That's nice, who does it belong to? why are you asking me?]

Can you please contact our office [OK]

Thanks Tracey

So… I rang them.

Seems as though according to Tracey I have arranged to have a foxtel satellite dish installed on the roof of my upstairs MrCreep and he has complained about me to the Strata company. He didn’t think to ask me. Asshat. I think I said he was a prick.

Tracey said well, the strata company had asked foxtel and they had said the wiring goes to my unit. I sat there and said.. and when was this installed? Are you sure it’s my flat? I can’t afford foxtel, where would I have it installed? Where’s the dish? and eventually she said.. “it’s not yours is it?” and I’m like HELLO THERE FINALLY. “no it’s not, try the couple downstairs”

So I emailed a reply back to her..

Hi Tracey

As I have advised you when we spoke not too long ago, I have not ordered Foxtel.

I have lived in strata managed units for over 6 years and know the rules about installing satellite dishes for any purpose, needs to be checked with the strata company first.

Regards

Lori

Ok so the strata company got it wrong. How about they fix the leak in my ceiling, and the window that doesn’t shut properly? Asshats.

What do people do when they are angry, or frustrated? I clean. I haven’t had the energy or cared enough over the last month or two, to do any real housework. I got a cleaner in to do it for me when I got sick before my house inspection.

Today was tough. After i vented my spleen about the idiot questions i was getting, I discovered the real reason why they were being asked. I ended up writing an email to one girl, saying that I understood that we have bad days, and if she wants to ask me questions and ask for help, to find me or email me and I would do what I could. For once, it’s not a good time to blog about work, because I am disappointed. I understand alot of things now, however it still sucks.

I re-read some of my entries last night, about M and I. I think of the person I was when I was writing that stuff. I am very different now. I think I am a better person. I have grown. Being alone since April physically is alot different to being alone in a dead relationship. So M and I weren’t together in the true sense of the word and ceased functioning as a couple many years ago, however, we still had eachother there. The comfort factor.

When I got sick last month, I faced two weeks of illness by myself, in my unit. No contact with anyone over the phone as I couldn’t hear. No visiting as I couldn’t walk to the front door let alone drive without feeling drunk and lurching with no balance. Being back at work, I have had to deal with my lack of patience and frustration at my inability to hear some people talking in a crowded call centre and having to concentrate twice as hard to understand them. Muting the shrill screaming customers, feeling that the world was asking me too much.

Just slight hearing loss that I have experienced caused me to feel significantly more stress than I have previously dealt with before in a workplace. At one stage last week, I was sitting on the steps of work bawling my eyes out because I just felt that I had taken one screaming customer complaint too much, and I just wanted to be well again.

So I got dropped off home, and I cleaned. The kitchen, lounge, bathroom, my room - all clean now, even used the carpet sweeper.. My dizzy spells are passing. I no longer feel the need to throw up after eating, or sitting on a bus or car. However I still don’t feel that hungry. Not a bad thing. So, finally, I have the energy to clean, and get rid of the weeks of stress that are sitting between my shoulder blades and behind my eyeballs. I have done one load of washing and another load is ready to be put on for tomorrow morning. I think there are other ways I will need to explore on how to relax.

Meditation. Something I haven’t tried alot.
Music. I find classical music stimulating.
Yoga. I have a DVD, it’s time to start learning.
Walking. I do that anyway.

I have been a busy chick tonight, and created a photo album and guestbook for myself, and others. I think what I am aiming for is a place for all my photo’s I take - and put up for myself and friends to look at/upload. It may mean I would have to let my parent’s and my offline friends, read my blog. Not sure if I am ready for that just yet. I tend to rant a little, and bitch a little but it’s my space to do that I guess.

I’ll need to think about the consequences of letting my family and offline friends read my private thoughts.