I got an email from D Walla. Since it is a dark and stormy night, I thought I’d go through my email and reply to my junk mail I get. Today I got a nigerian spammer. A Lawyer!!

Dear person trying to rip me off some money.

On 8/13/05, abubarkar yinusa wrote:

>
> Dear Sir/Ma,

Its Madam.

> This letter might look obscure or irrelevant to you,

Yes, you are correct, it is obscure AND irrelevant.

> but, I, beg of you to take a little minute of your busy and tight schedule to go through
> the content and feel free to disregard the information contained therein, But, on the other
> hand, I would appreciate it if you find my proposal worth doing and I would be pleased to
> establish a good and promising business relationship with you.

Actually I would prefer to pick apart this email with derision. I will disregard the email, however I feel the need to respond, and we’ll have a brief, unfulfilling mail war where I make fun of you, and you go away.
>
> Firstly, I am Barrister Usman Abubarkar, the principal partner of U. Y. ABUBARKAR
> & Associates,

U Y Abubarkar, ahh yes, a famous lawyer known through out the world for writing to
strangers like me and offering lots of cash in exchange for some money and use of my bank
account. Google says hi!

> A prominent law firm in London, England. Though, I have my chambers in London, I have >numerous clients all over the world. As a reason to that I am contacting you now.
>
> I received a letter from Ajaokuta Steel Company, informing me that the payment voucher for
> the contract my late client executed for them is ready for payment, and that I should provide
> them with his next of kin to claim the money or have it confiscated. It is based on this request
> that I am contacting you so that I will present you as the next of kin to my client, Prior to this,
> I have made an extensive search to locate any of my late client’s family, who unfortunately
> died with his wife and a kid on their way to catch a flight to Australia.

That’s shocking. What happened? Did they get shot ? attacked by a marauding band of wild hyena? A rogue elephant? Were they murdered by some of your friends who knew this man would have alot of money?

> I have all the legal papers that will prove that you are related to him and will also process and
> procure any new needed document in the course of the claim. You are not to fear over this as
> I am a lawyer and know the legal implication of my actions and as such will make sure that
> everything moves accordingly.

Slight problem, I have a feeling he would be black.. unless I am adopted! That’s nice that you are a lawyer. That is like saying “Trust me! I am a doctor!” or “Hi! My name is Batman!”

> While I hope to have informed you sufficiently and also wait for your favorable response,
> I remain,

Yes, you remain, a blight on the internet. There is no favourable response from me, unless you send me a bank cheque for my time. Or an offer to marry me, for my dowry I bring.. nothing..

Please don’t email me again, it hurts and distresses me that you would mention my poor dead cousin and his wife. oh, you didn’t tell me their names.

FOAD

me.

I don’t think somehow I’ll get that marriage offer. I’ll just have to find some other foreigner.

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