Angsty post
I like writing here because it’s my space in the world. I am a small webpage in the billions of pages that make up the googleverse. So I have a few things I wanna get off my chest.
I was speaking to the security guard after work tonight. I think he’s like one of those barmen that you talk to when you’re single, bored, alone, depressed. You get his thoughts for free, rather than at the cost of a drink. You don’t get so blind drunk that you make a fool of youself, and you don’t try and seduce the man when you’re sober because with beer goggles, the uniform would look attractive on the michelin man himself.
What I was trying to explain today/tonight was my fears about falling in love again with anyone after X. Will it be the same, will it feel the same, will I hold back? Will they feel they are second in my life because they weren’t my first love? How different will it feel? Will I feel those same flutters when we kiss?
I feel, like I hung on too long trying to fix what was broken and can’t be fixed and now I feel like I am running out of time.
November 25th, 2005 at 9:05 am
No, it won’t be the same.
It’ll never be the same again.
But you’ll fall in love, and it’ll be different. It’ll be better because you’ll have learned from that experience…
You’ll find someone who’s everything X wasn’t.
I’m a prime example of the cause. How many times have I said I’ll never fall in love again?
Your next big love is just around the corner, and if he fucks you over, there’ll be another one waiting too.
November 25th, 2005 at 4:47 pm
Second love isnt an issue, you don’t start turning cold and heartless until you’re past #5 somewhere..
Rest assured you have time and plenty of love to give and recieve. 
November 25th, 2005 at 6:45 pm
i hope so
I don’t think I could do the love thing 5 times.
November 25th, 2005 at 10:55 pm
Awww sweets. I know how you feel. who says we can only love once anyway? Maybe the second time will be better, deeper, stronger.