After the ball the other night, I remembered following some times when I have got totally shitfaced, most of these were at 3 parties. 2 of them were my own, and one was a friend who was turning 21.

Everyone at work thinks I am very straight, in the entire time none of them have ever seen me drunk and they got a good show. I’ve caught up with the gossip and apparently it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I am a riot when drunk. I made people stand on the red carpet and wave to people as they left the party. I laughed alot, I danced alot, I talked to people I normally don’t even know exist. AND I did it all without vomiting.

There is another time I did it all without vomiting when I was 21, going out with X, and at a cocktail party. A friend challenged me to a tequila drinking duel. Considering I had already drunk 5 B52’s I was up for it. We had to do lick sip sucks with a bottle each and keep going to the first one passed out. I finished my bottle, and the chick who challenged me passed out.

I hallucinated alot. I was walking around feeling like my feet were on pillows. Apparently I looked like a clown. I also have now an intense hatred of Tequila, which for the first 5 years, if I looked at a bottle I would feel severely like vomiting and would dry retch, now it’s just mild nausea and excessive saliva in the back of my throat.

There was my 30th.. I drank too much Canadian Club, it too has a similar effect on me as seeing a Tequila bottle. I let a friend sleep on my couch at home and she told me as X had got me a Limo for my birthday, that I should fuck him. YEAH SURE. That was embarrassing. Even moreso was when she spilt a glass of water I left for her beside the couch on herself and thought that she had peed on the couch. She woke up soaking and snuck home thinking she had done it! Haha.. ok so this is someone else’s drunk story, but damn I was off my face too.

My 3rd effort of getting shitfaced was at my 21st birthday party. I had a great time, my parents left behind half a case of champagne. There were people out the front of my place smoking weed, and out the back they were doing nangs. (nitrous bulbs, bulbing) There were about 3 parties in that street on that night, so there was alot of party hopping. We drank until dawn had broken and there were still 20 people passed out in my lounge room, in the back yard, and on a really old mouldy mattress out the front which they had dragged from under the house.

I woke up to sounds of screaming in the bathroom, something like.. “OH DEAR GOD NOOO” and I wrapped X’s dressing gown around me and went down to the bathroom. I could hear weird noises and I knocked on the door, feeling vaguely hungover.

“DON’T COME IN” The panicky voice of my housemate (one of 6) screamed.
“ok.. Dave are you ok?” I wrinkled my nose as this smell began to tickle the back of my throat
“NO, I WENT TO THE TOILET LAST NIGHT, VOMITED IN MY TROUSERS AND FELL ASLEEPAND NOW IT’S DRIED AROUND MY ANKLES!!” Dave seemed really upset..
“oh.. god that’s disgusting” I muttered.

My stomach turned a few times, and I began to wobble. I had to get out of there so I raced to the backyard avoiding 3 people on the way past and leaned against a tree, and out it came. Think of Linda Blair and the exorcist. A power chuck, a chunder from downunder.

Ah yes, and these are all reasons why I try to avoid drinking. Because they’re all bad.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 21st, 2005 at 2:50 am and is filed under Odd moments, Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.