I had some weird dreams about a couple of my best friends last night both being injured and in hospital after a bomb blast. Don’t know where the bomb came from, but they were caught up in it, whilst I had to get back to work and leave them behind. I wondered if perhaps this dream was triggered by a email discussion I had with one of my friends, who pointed out to me, that I reap what I sow. Mind you, she said a few other things about me and friendship and trust which I won’t go into, but probably alot of it was fair enough, and alot of it was not. She’s one of the only RL friends I have that reads my blog, and apparently taken offence to things I have said. I haven’t bashed my friend or talked about them that much, so I think she is being a tad over sensitive. Something however she said got me thinking. I don’t think however, that she is my friend anymore. She just didn’t understand what I was trying to convey, and still thinks I am untrustworthy.

I was involved in a damaging relationship with X that crippled me emotionally for a long time. I treated people badly by not being much of a friend I guess. I didn’t involve myself in alot of things or with alot of people towards the end of the relationship. Instead I turned from everyone, choosing to attempt to deal with the pain I was going through by myself. I didn’t just exclude my friends from my heartache, I excluded my family. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing by X, because I still thought he needed to save face. So after all the breakups, I have attempted to salvage some friendships, and for the most part I have been successful.

I can’t apologise for who I am now, or who was I then, I can apologise for hurting them if I did. I would hope that they would look past themselves and see what happened to me and understand. I am damaged, I don’t know if it’s repairable, but I think starting a new life for myself, finding new friends is what I need to do to start again.

A friend of mine and I were having a conversation tonight about IT professional who spout shit on the internet and either get paid or somehow, earn kudos for it, and get consulting jobs.

The verbal wanker I am referring to is this bloke, who apparently thinks that internet chat rooms are full of criminals swapping personal and private details of stolen cards. I am sure that yes, there are rogue IRC networks where this takes place, as well as filesharing networks, even paedofile networks which are underground - and when found, are taken apart and dealt with.
Thing is, there is so much negative publicity about chat networks, how they are insecure, full of internet predators, criminals, desperadoes, there isn’t alot of emphasis on the good bits about chat networks. The positive side to chat networks where people can congregate and chat about similar interests. Lots of niche networks exist, such as quakenet, or family based networks, company based networks. I have many friends that I have made over the years on the various chat mediums that I have used over time. Through Lycos chat, MSN, IRC, ICQ, Yahoo!. Some of my friends have married others they have met over IRC.

I think if there are going to be “IT Experts” in security that are going to point out the negatives to what in reality is a positive medium, they should spend time getting to know the positive networks. Stop looking for the bad stuff and start enjoying the odd coversations they may come across.

Hi sports fans.

I have had one of the weirdest weeks so far in my team leading experience so far.

The only thing I can talk about is one of my team who has been house sitting for his best friend and her mother. He was told that if the old dog died to wack it in the freezer. He thought however, that it would live. Unfortunately this week, it had started to stagger around drunk like. He saw it alive on Wednesday night, went back to his house after feeding it, and on Thursday morningarrived back at the house to let the dog out for its walk, and found the dog lying face down, starfish like on the floor.

He didn’t think anything of it at first because it’s a staffy and staffies tend to spread eagle themselves, however he noticed that it wasn’t getting up when he was buzzing around the house cleaning it. He went across to the dog and poked it.

It was cold, and hard, and didn’t move.

I believe at this point he began to cry and poke the dog repeatedly. It wouldn’t move. He looked for some rubbish bags and began to stuff the dog in it. Imagine … well you shouldn’t need to. It was a dead dog in full rigormortis.

He couldn’t bend the dog’s legs back into shape to fit into the freezer, so after he wrapped the dog up in rubbishbags, he turned on the airconditioning closed all the windows and doors, went to work. He turned up at work looking red and teary, and unfortunately for him when he told me the story, I laughed so hard alot of people thought that I was crying or having an asthma attack. I sent around a picture of a dead kangaroo in memoriam of the dog to the team.

The conclusion to this sad tale took place on Friday.

Of course when he went back to his friend’s house, the rigor mortis was easing off and he bent the dog’s legs into shape, tried unsuccsessfully to close the dog’s eyes -and has he hoisted the dog into the freezer.. of course, the bowels let go, and he was covered in shit. as the bag on the rear half of the dog filled up and splatted onto the floor.

Awesome work.

My own tale about spider killing, and me breaking my bikepump when beating it to death on my bed the other night pales in comparison.

This week was one of the stress weeks. I have noticed an inclination for all my posts or some of them, to include the word stress. Well I am. I hardly want to get out of bed to deal with the drama’s of work. Deaths by car accident, drug overdoses, gay bashings, cancer scares, uni exams. I only have a measley relationship issue, the object of my affection lives a fair bit away from me!

My boss finally left for a new job, which makes her happier. All the tactics I have employed over the last few weeks to avoid some of my team losing their bonus have now paid off. The little tykes, we may aswell call them that, have had emotional issues for which I am now a one woman referral service to some counselling service through work (anonymous of course). The plus side, is as I have worked on making my lil tykes happier, by listening to their problems, giving them cards to this place, and then going home absoutely shattered each night are paying off.

I feel like I should be making them lunches in the mornings, sending them off to school and when they come home from school I tend to their bruises and scrapes. I hand out the tissues, and at the end of the day sit there and think, where is my development? All I am right now is a glorified babysitting service. I yearn for a bunch of tykes I don’t need to take care of like they are my kids.

Bah, I asked for this job, I got what I wanted in spades. Here you are Lori!! Take this team, and good luck sucker!!!!

One the plus side, and I mean plus, Melormous has moved on, and for that I am grateful. I was getting a little tired of it reading my emails. Perhaps I should have something salatious for it to read. ’nuff of the work rant I guess.
Family duties tomorrow.

Had another discussion with a friend last week about things, I was a bit surprised when the friend told me that they had trust issues with me. Because of the fight we had a while ago. I didn’t think I was that horrible, and I had apologised a few weeks after the fight, but I apologised again in June and told them why the fight occurred. Seems as tho, like with someone else, my apologies aren’t worth alot. I thought they would have understood what I had been through with X and forgiven me. I guess however they haven’t. There’s nothing I can say to that.

It sucks, it hurt that they don’t feel comfortable going out with me alone, and not sure what they think I am going to do.. attack or Kick them to the kerb? I don’t understand the logic of that one. And apparently it is “well” known I don’t like the current love interest they have. Hate, that’s strong word, and really, I got over it a long time ago, they haven’t. Just aswell I have moved on and made new friends.

Moot point really, I have to think about the fact that I am moving countries in 6 months time. New start, new friends. Keep some of my current friends and let the others drift off into their own worlds and wish them nothing but the best. At least I will live the way I want to, and not what is expected of me. Been there, done that.

So you can see what I have been doing on my hiatus, I have added some posts and I will be updating the gallery with a few more pictures.

MM and I went through AQWA on the first weekend he was in Perth.

We checked out a whole range of fishies, stingrays, blue bottle jellyfish, and the cool underwater travel escalator thingy where we don’t need to get off, we just stand on it and go round in circles for hours and hours and hours.. Awesome stuff. I learnt how big blue ringed octopus really are! like.. |< ---------------------------->| that big.

Anyways.. some photo’s are included below.

When we were on the conveyor belt thing, MM was reminded of Jaws Sushi bars, where the sushi plates travel around the restaurant and the diners pick what they want off the belt, and the Sharks looking down at us must have been thinking the same thing.

AQWA is located at Hillaries Boat Harbour North of the City on the coast.

I have joined a gym!

I need a change, since that’s all my life has been over the last 18 months, lets just go for it.

When I signed up today, I had to fill in a questionaire - and one of the questions was like “why are you in the shape you are in” I put in.. “Long story”  I pulled out some of the photo’s of what I used to look like and eyeballed the dude.

After 10 minutes, I had him excited and making plans, and I go back tomorrow to finish signing up, and getting started.

That’s all the fitness stuff in this post, not much but it’s a start.

At least there weren’t any gym bunnies!

I have joined up with JJ so she can be my conscience, and vice versa. I know what she’s like.. and what I am like

So endeth the first week of MM no longer being here and me being alone again. Physically at least. He’s left a couple of reminders behind, two pairs of jocksters, which look very nice on men! and one half a of a pair of socks. I have finished feeling sorry for myself, missed a doctors appointment this morning due to a hangover as I was celebrating being female last night.

You know that moment, when everything is just right? When I met MM at the airport, and he was walking through the arrivals lounge, we started talking, and then it clicked. nearly 3 months had passed and they vanished like they never were there. We picked up right where we let off.

It was the longest four weeks, and shorted last week I have experienced. We went to Margaret River, Hillaries boat harbour to see the fishies at AQWA, Freo Markets.. He brought me a windchime made of bamboo, he didn’t like my metal ones. The tinkling noise was too high pitched. So he got me some bamboo ones which clunk softly, and they grew on me.

He fixed my lights in my office, found me a lovely lampshade for my brass lamp that I just never felt light decorating. He fixed my cupboards in my kitchen. he fixed my bike, ikea stools and he fixed my computer. I have never had that before, and I asked him why he did all this stuff, and he just smiled at me.

So for next 6 months, no money being spent.. just save save save…

Oh and my real estate agent wants to put my rent up by nearly $50 per week, due to the skyrocketting housing values here in the city of Perth. Lucky for me I had it written into my lease that the balcony upstairs had to be fixed and then the water damage in my flat fixed before they put in another rent rise. Hehehe. That will upset the landlord.