God! Another post from me!
I had some weird dreams about a couple of my best friends last night both being injured and in hospital after a bomb blast. Don’t know where the bomb came from, but they were caught up in it, whilst I had to get back to work and leave them behind. I wondered if perhaps this dream was triggered by a email discussion I had with one of my friends, who pointed out to me, that I reap what I sow. Mind you, she said a few other things about me and friendship and trust which I won’t go into, but probably alot of it was fair enough, and alot of it was not. She’s one of the only RL friends I have that reads my blog, and apparently taken offence to things I have said. I haven’t bashed my friend or talked about them that much, so I think she is being a tad over sensitive. Something however she said got me thinking. I don’t think however, that she is my friend anymore. She just didn’t understand what I was trying to convey, and still thinks I am untrustworthy.
I was involved in a damaging relationship with X that crippled me emotionally for a long time. I treated people badly by not being much of a friend I guess. I didn’t involve myself in alot of things or with alot of people towards the end of the relationship. Instead I turned from everyone, choosing to attempt to deal with the pain I was going through by myself. I didn’t just exclude my friends from my heartache, I excluded my family. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing by X, because I still thought he needed to save face. So after all the breakups, I have attempted to salvage some friendships, and for the most part I have been successful.
I can’t apologise for who I am now, or who was I then, I can apologise for hurting them if I did. I would hope that they would look past themselves and see what happened to me and understand. I am damaged, I don’t know if it’s repairable, but I think starting a new life for myself, finding new friends is what I need to do to start again.
November 19th, 2006 at 7:41 pm
You can’t please everyone hun. Or be eveything to everyone. Go and do your thing. your true friends will support you no matter what.
November 19th, 2006 at 8:08 pm
I just didn’t like being told I was not trustworthy. That cut a bit. However, that’s one person’s opinion. I am over how she treats other people and then thinks it’s OK to judge me and accuse me of doing the same.
November 22nd, 2006 at 5:28 pm
Being true to yourself is one of the best gifts you can give to your friends and only true friends recognise that and love you whatever ,,, I you are being your real self more and more Lori.. and it is great!!