lack of sleep, feeling miserable, premenstrual.. men should be on the lookout. I have been on the warpath and feeling very angry over the smallest things.

I got frustrated at work with some rather negative feedback about some of my staff, and some directed at me for a business decision I made to help a customer. it was just the tone of the feedback, and I have alot on my plate with my consultants. Tomorrow is Wednesday, and I have hardly done a thing in getting stuff organised for their assessments.

On a less wahwah note about the IRC network I use. There’s been a bit of too-ing and froing in the wikipedia sections for the network, where some mince assed ignoramus posts his version of the truth (untruth) . The truth is far less dramatic.

so, if we go from the top
They set up a test server, get ASD involved, which was ok with us managers, then start a vote against K, and register austjerk in late jan 07, they put off the vote that was called with some votes already in, start spamming the new server address to users hopping onto another server.  Someone notifies K who advises the network owners, instructions are issued to K, who acts on them

then

IdioK logs on, quits services, and L’s server, gets rid of sprint, brings on his version of both services and sprint, K rings me, i ring P, wake him up, he logs on, gets rid of IdioK, and jupes all the servers and takes 4 hours to get servers back and somehow, the routing to the sg servers gets fucked up and now they can’t relink  due to some other issue that I have no idea about and yeah.

I lost some of my staff to the other server, i will build a bridge about that one.  It’s all petty shit anyways. Grownups fighting over who owns intangible things, like IRC. Why the hell would 2 americans want to own an Australian Based IRC network in the first place?

When you get to my grand old age of 33, you tend to find there are people around you in life, who have had their hearts broken, bashed in or generally tossed away on a garbage pile somewhere and left for dead. At work there are many people like me. However, there are also many people who are still with their first loves, who still find happiness in their souls when their loved ones ring up, or when they talk about them. I can’t help but be cynical.

After my own experiences of love, I would have sneered at them and thought, one day you’ll find out the truth, that it’s not all that good. That there isn’t always a happy ending. However, a few words here and there, and meeting MM, walking with him through pathways in parks, riding around and breaking my poor ass in on the bike, and sharing a few nights with him, holding his hand, eating, or getting drunk, or just being together has changed that.

So now I live the worst kind of life, the one of having a long distance relationship. I thank god for the miracle of the internet, and I keep hoping that WWIII will wait until he and I reside in the same hemisphere before it breaks out, because I just don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t spend the end of days with him. I don’t think about my family, I have outgrown them. I love them, but I choose to care for MM, and my need to be affectionate and share life with him.

Instead of feeling cynical and righteous at those who have got the perfect life, in general terms because let’s face it, nothing is perfect, I envy the fact they can spend every night, together. I languish at the end of a headphone/microphone connected via usb to my laptop, which is connected via ethernet to my NB5 router, hooked into my phone line, to the dslam and then off across various networks around the planet to spend a few precious hours talking to someone I can’t see, smell, touch or kiss for a few more hard months.

It’s hard, it’s painful, but I hope, ultimately the price I pay now, will be worth the joy then.

A word that brings with it, thoughts of time outs, long summer days lying languidly on the couch, a tall cold drink in one hand, and the TV remote in the other. Lazily flicking through channels on a Sunday evening searching desperately for something which will engage the mind enough for you to put off thoughts of the approaching working week ahead.

 

It doesn’t always work that way, but I look forward to the week because I don’t have any coaching to do. Instead I get to type up reports, prepare assessments for assessing so that my minions, for the lack of a better word, actually get paid what they are worth, which still isn’t enough, but at least it is something. It’s all that has dominated my thinking at work, I made a committment to myself, that I would have a team full of fully cross trained competant staff, and that they will be the best staff in the call centre. What the hell was I thinking? I have the feeling I have bitten off more than I can chew.

 

Thus, it is my own fault that I haven’t blogged frequently. I come home after walking, exercise, because I am trying to lose weight, I talk to MM because he lives so far away and I miss him desperately. I am too tired to spare thoughts for blogs, for cleaning, and really although I made a committment to put myself first, I haven’t done that alot. That is changing.

 

For the last 5 weeks, I have been attempting to put myself first, and for the last 3 weeks, trying to commit to exercising. As a result, I have lost 7 kilos. I feel much better about myself, apparently my posture is improving, and I am looking less round at the back and straighter. Excellent. So rather than continue the exercise, this weekend I chose to socialise with friends, and enjoy them.

 

I caught up with P&T we had dinner at sizzler, gossiped about our respective workplaces. They work for a rival Telco so it’s always interesting to hear how they are going, and really, it’s not that different to where I work. We watched a chickflick with Nicholas Cage, Ghostrider. I call it a chick flick, because any man, with a body like Ole Nick’s is in a movie where he can show off the perfect abs, nicely toned without looking like a disgusting mass of muscles, it’s guaranteed to get the loins of any woman, and perhaps of a few men, tense with anticipation.

 

Then this afternoon, I had coffee at Farrell’s in Vic Park with JJ, who is suffering from Glandular fever again. She looked tired from her girls night out down in bunno and after she lent me a book by Stephen Fry, I sat and read by myself sipping coffee for 2 hours. When the wait staff came out and started placing tealights on the tables, i figured it was time to finish up the book and come home.

 

I feel like life is rushing towards me right now, and I don’t know how to stop it. So the time out this afternoon was my way of putting the brakes on. Once I put the book down, paid the bill and drove home, confronted by the mess that is my flat, I accepted that once more life is speeding away, and I need to hop on for the ride.

Just a brief note to touch on a few things about life.

My rent is being increased nearly 35% in April so I am going to move back home to my parents, finish saving and move off to new pastures green.

Payrise was good, had to encourage someone to leave the other week.. that was difficult. The resignator strikes again. I can encourage people to leave and feel happy about doing it.

Healthwise.. OK. Lost 6 kilos and 34 cms around various bits of my body.

Lovelife.. well yeah, it’s happening, I am a happy girl MM is pretty significant in my life and seems it will be that way for some time to come.

On the chat network I use, there was a schism! Not a great forking! as has been written in the wikipedia. Anyways, the networks not fubar’d and that’s the good thing.

I have won tickets to see crouching tiger hidden dragon, at the moonlight cinemas in Kings Park.

Last week I saw a Shakespeare play, A comedy of Errors. Impressive. Loved it. Will need to see another one soon.

I started another blog with my sister - I won’t be sharing that URL oh and my sister is online.

Things have been kind of hectic.

Quick summary:

Tonsillitus for 2 weeks, and 3 weeks with a chest infection have kept me just functioning on human mode whilst struggling with work.

Got a perm position as a team leader

Got rid of my first person as a team leader after he was in my team after 8 days

joined a health program under the tutelage of a naturpath, and now have lost 5 kilos and a few cms (read 24) in two weeks.

Also been fighting my blog, have huge spam bombing issues and server issues, needed to wrest control of my domains back from a friend I had lent my password to.

hugs to everyone.