Work totally sucked.

We had to do this training course stuff, great stuff I thought, until the second day when I had to hear two of my co-workers totally bag out my boss, and my best friend. It was an exercise when we had to talk about what we wanted in our managers, and it became a bitch fest. It really upset me. To the point that as we broke for lunch, I went back into the training room and told the trainer that it wasn’t as bad as the two made it out to be.

After the training, I cried. Some team leader I am. Emotional basketcase I think. I spent the weekend locked away in my flat, after drinking 3 bottles of turkey and dry on Friday night. I had a huge headache that lasted until this afternoon, so I went out, purchased coffee, went shopping, spent nearly $122 on cosmetic stuff, facial creams, makeup, hair colour. I feel better.

Question remains, after a call from my best friend, when did I become so sensitive. I have for the last few weeks been on an emotional rollercoaster. I think it’s due to hormones running around but I just don’t know. I am constantly on the verge of tears, I am unable to sleep very well, how much of that is stress related, and how much is due to the heat, I don’t know. I am aware that I am engaging in avoidance techniques, such as not checking my mailbox. When I get paid, I avoid looking at my bank balance, I just transfer money without looking at the right hand of the screen to pay the rent, and my credit card.

I don’t know what’s wrong.. but ultimately, this weekend has been helpful, I have dealt with alot of my demons.

On the plus side, I like my boy, he likes me, he makes me happy, and i make him happy. I am going to see him and be with him soon enough.

I have a problem… not quite like Steph, who has bloggers who know what she looks like, or know who she is by the content she writes. I am one of those.. no one knows me… but, i know someone.

Frugal Bastard!

We work in the same building, we have walked past eachother in the cafe, I have watched him walk up and down the stairs as he works in the floor above mine.

Today, I saw his wife and child waiting for him as I left work. At first when I walked out of the call centre, I thought.. hmmm that lady looks familiar, but didn’t think much of it, until we (one of my best friends and I) were walking towards the doors and I looked again, and she looked at me.

I was looking at his wife.. now, I really do feel like I am a blog stalker.. and it’s all due to the fact that I work in the same building.

So with that in my mind, I went off to coffee with JJ, because quite frankly, I am feeling stressed at work, hormonal, and I think that has something to do with the time of month, and the fact that I am having issues. I miss MM badly. I stare at his pic at work, and I need to see him again. I wish I had someone waiting for me when I finish work.

PS; Frugle, you need to finish work earlier, it’s acceptable for me to work past 6pm, but you have a family!

Jebus.

I did some of it today. I did this DVD thing, you know, a general workout, then ballet stuff, then pilates stuff, then something else, kick boxing.. by the end of the DVD - I was lying on my back, chest heaving, staring balefully at the skinny blonde, thinking evil thoughts. Alas, she did not spontaneously combust, but sweated perfectly as she tried to kick box.

Eventually, we got to the yoga section.

 Awesome, I can relax.  No.. instead she had to bend her legs into weird positions, stretch her arms and toes and I felt like I was playing twister.  She spun her little dial and twisted into something and I felt twinges in my shoulders and thighs and thought.. No, I give up.

Well I sweated buckets. i am still dressed in my workout gear, I am so traumatised I had to write about it straight away.

I wonder if my boss blogs. I doubt it, but would be interesting to see what he would write about. Probably his family.

the topic du jour at work is the weather.

there are 2 types of people at work. Those who have airconditioning, and those who do not.

I am one of the ‘have nots’ and whilst about half of us are coming into work, looking refreshed and ready for a new day; the other half of us struggle with heat exhaustion as we lie and twist vainly under fans feebly pushing around warm air in the bitter hope that the sweat on our bodies will cool us as we slumber. We have had a record number of lates this week, mostly due to those who are sleeping in, a quick survey (4 people), which probably isn’t an accurate picture, of those who are late, shows that all of these people do not have airconditioning in their abodes.

I, myself, have struggled to sleep, instead tossing and turning in bed till 3am knowing that the alarm is due to go off in less than four hours time. Yet still, I drag myself out of bed, and slop into the bathroom, peel off my sleeping wear (you will need to be imaginative, I am not going to fill in the blanks) and slip into the shower, with hot water.

Why on earth would someone want to shower in hot water? I hear at least one person ask, Well, it’s because when you get out of the shower and towel dry, your body is hotter than the air around it, and thus, it cools you down, making you feel sooo much better for about 30 seconds. By that time you have wandered naked into the bedroom, the water drops evaporate, and your body is now aware you tricked it, and started to sweat again.

So, you look for the comfy cotton bra and undies, nothing fancy thanks - locate some cotton shirts and put them on, the work pants, and wipe your face from the sweat. Put on your moisturiser, and in my hotbox of a flat, microbeads of sweat have formed along my upper lip. I look for the reconstruction kit in my drawers, and try and cover up the bags under my eyes, which are big enough to be listed as overweight if you took them through and checked in at an airport to fly overseas.

By the time I have gotten to work, some 30 minutes after exiting my hotbox, my hair is flat, face is shiny and all the work and effort I put into looking good, only lasted as long as the bus ride. Well at least I didn’t scare the passengers. I must accept, as does everyone else, that Perth, in March, is fubar’d.

MM told me something a few days ago, which has put my mind at ease about us, and how things are going between us. It’s hard when you’re in a LDR to deal with the insecurities a person will feel because they aren’t there to see if the beloved is doing what he or she should be doing. Anyways, nuff of the mush shit.

i have finally managed to get my shit organised and get the flat starting to look clean.

A couple of weeks ago I was totally humiliated when my real estate agent turned up to do a house inspection. I didnt know it was coming, I hadnt checked the mail, my fault there. However, the bitch hid in her car from me whilst i got into my car, and drove off.

I knew it was going to be bad, and decided to email her straight away, so she knew, that I knew that she was there. Stupid biatch. Never hide from me! Now.. imagine if you will. Crappy bench covered in shit, clothes, undies, paper lying everywhere, bed unmade. I woke up late for work, so everything look worse than usual, dishes all over the sink, i got home and discovered i had left food on the bench.. GAH.

Never again.

So now the flat is looking WAY better. That would be just fine, but I am moving home to the oldies to save more money before I fly off to Europe for the journey of a lifetime.

Work wise, I have over committed. I am stressed, but starting to see the end of right now is a fucking long tunnel.

I purchased saffron tonight, i have no idea what I am going to use it for.