The Angry Dieter

My sister was coming around today, we were going to discuss life the universe and everything, and then what she was going to liberate from my flat, which basically entails.. all my furniture. Now that I think about it, it isn´t that much. My blue modular couch, velvet of course. 2 bookshelves, my bedroom suite minus the bed, the TV cabinet, the office desk.

That leaves me with a crappy pine coffee table that I purchased when I was 20 from a recycling centre in Balcatta when I first moved out of home; a bookshelf my dad gave me; and a small plastic set of drawers. I don´t own much now do I… Anyways, moving right along, after a moment of realisation that I really don´t have alot of furniture … and a moment of rage at my X I digress.

I had some ladies drop in from the real estate agency today, wanting to look around the flat. So! I did what any other self respecting tenant does who is being screwed without lubricant by their landlord. I pointed out all the “undocumented features” in the flat.

“May I first draw your attention to the ceiling damage”

“Ooh look at that, does that leak water, do you need a big bucket?”

“Why well.. no I don´t really need to use much of a bucket, just a something to .. yes, i need a big bucket.”

“Oh.. ”

“It´s being fixed! So don´t worry about it” (pipes up the chick who actually works at that place)

“Oh ok! ”

“You should also be aware the water comes in through the front door here” (closes the door and shows them the water marks and rust).

“Wow.. that´s alot of leaks.”

“Yeah, but really it´s an awesome flat.”

“Are the people ok who live around here? ”

“The people (raises the blinds to point out number 66) .. are OK. The dreggs of society live next door, the usual, drug busts, domestic violence..” I was going to tell them abou the TRG bust 12 months ago in the flat just up from me, but felt that might have been overkill.

I watched the younger girl looking doubtful, a small bubble of glee welling up inside..

“I mean, here is pretty ok. There have been a couple of muggings, but just down at the carpark down there (waves vaguely down towards the river) and you can hear the man upstairs when he is peeing into the toilet”

“Muggings? ”

“Yeah, but nothing serious, some african dude held a syringe to a chick´s throat. But thats why I always insist that the lights around here are kept on, cuz they keep breaking down and not lighting up.”

“…”

“Anyways.. come through and check out the bedrooms”

“Oh.. this bathroom has laundry taps”

“Oh yeah, but this bathroom made me cry when I first moved in, the ceiling was mouldy, the shower was disgusting (it´s not that great now, but they looked shocked when i told them it looked worse) I got some professional cleaners in to clean it.”

“So here are the 2 rooms, oh and you must check out the balcony.”

(we walk out and squeeze past my clothes rack, which has an array of tshirts and underwear floating around on it drying, thank goodness it was clean)

So after extolling the many virtues of this place, I ensured they knew it was awesome place to live, secure, and “just don´t roll down the blinds, spiders and you can encourage people breaking in.”

I can´t wait to meet other prospective tenants!

May 7th, 2007 | Category: Family, Tenancy Blues | Subscribe to comments | Leave a comment | Trackback URL