Personal post about Long Distance Relationships
It’s very difficult to understand for those people who haven’t been in one the personal pain that couples go through, when they are in a long distance relationship. The greater the distance, the harder it is to maintain due to cost. Can anyone afford a minimum of $5000 per visit to see their beloved? Up until a few weeks ago, I couldn’t afford that either. Living at my parent’s home has enabled me to pay off my credit card debt incurred after my overseas trip, and then having MM come over a few months later. It has taken 9 months. I haven’t seen MM since October 27, 2006.
What do we do then, to maintain some kind of relationship? Well thank goodness broadband was invented. He and I have been able to watch movies, documentaries, play games and talk to eachother nearly every night since he left. It doesn’t replace the warmth of a hug, the feel of his arms around my back as he pulls me into him for one of his awesome hugs. His smell as we snuggle, his laughter as we watched “thank god you’re here” on his last night in Australia.
Long distance relationships are the hardest to maintain. The level of trust required, the ability to deal with the raging emotions of anger, jealousy, disappointment and frustration as you know they are living their life, just as you are living yours. Going out with friends, and them looking at you with strange glances as you explain your complex situation and then think, ah fuck it -you wouldn’t understand. However, the one thing that he has said to me, through years of friendship stands out the most. That we would adapt, improvise and overcome (think Clint Eastwood, Heartbreak Ridge). I hold onto that as I struggle with my feelings of insecurity and uncertainty about what will happen.
In a month or so, we move to daylight savings, and my ability to communicate with him becomes much harder. The six hour time gap will become 8 hours, as they leave daylight savings, and we go into ours. I have modified some of my behaviours this week after months of workplace stress. I have previously written a post about the kind of calls that I get, that my consultants get and how it’s getting harder and harder to deal with. I started feeling that my misery and stress with work was affecting the most precious relationship that I have had with anyone.
Now I send email to him from work, I write about how I feel about work, and how it’s affected me, and he replies. He says all the things I can’t. This has helped reduce the stress quite a bit. We’ve started having fun again, we’re laughing again, and I have felt more relaxed and at ease. He’s thinking about coming to AU in December, but if that doesn’t happen, I will go over there. No matter what happens, it is clear that both he and I want the same thing, to be together. We shall work to make it so.
September 9th, 2007 at 10:09 am
Make it so!
Life’s too short to do otherwise.
September 9th, 2007 at 11:52 am
Every time I have ever tried the LDR thing, it has failed. So I’d advise anyone against even starting them. Good luck Lori
September 9th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
I agree, which is WHY i am doing the LDR thing. What I have with him is just too amazing to let it go.
September 9th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Aurs, I think because he and I were friend first, for about 5 yrs is one of the reasons why we can do the LDR thing. We talked all the time anyways online. Secondly, we click. Even when I am in the depths of despair due to the long distance, it’s nothing compared to the pain i went through with my X. This relationship is easier than the one I had when I lived with my X. Scary thought really.
Would I recommend an LDR? Not to anyone unless they really knew deep down it was what both people wanted. The pay off will be worth it in the end if you can stick it out.
September 10th, 2007 at 1:14 am
Good luck Lori, indeed, life’s too short. I can’t imagine what it’s like, but I do understand the difficulty of time difference, I’m already finding this 6hrs annoying at the moment, and I’m only on holiday and my partner is with me!!
But yes, hurrah for broadband, it makes living long distance from family/relatives easier too.
September 10th, 2007 at 3:13 am
My wife and I began in exactly the same way and for nearly a year we had to rely on all the forms of communication you talk about, and deal with 6 hour time differences too.
We spent thousands of dollars keeping in touch and you know what…..We’d both do it all over again. When it got too much we both accepted the huge life changes that were inevitable and we made them. We’ve now lived in each other’s hometowns, seen a lot more of the world and life and done it together.
You sound determined, and if you’re lucky, like we were, any sacrifices you’re making now will one day just be part of the great memories you get to share when you’re finally together for good
Best of luck to you both!
September 11th, 2007 at 1:59 am
My brother dealt with the same thing. East coast of the US and Spain isn’t very bad, but east coast of US to Buenos Aires made it all the more difficult. It was worth it for him though (and our whole family, she’s a cool sister in law).
September 12th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
I still think you need to look at immigration laws for both countries and start documenting your relationship so you can cut down on your waiting time for relationship visa’s.
You have also sacrificed a lot of you personal space by moving back with your folks too. You’re the town crier in Stressville!
I’m glad you mentioned that he has already been here to visit you. I was under the impression that you had only been there. Thats what I get for not following through on the threat of meeting up for coffee and getting ALL the goss.
LDR are very full on. I have not really had an long distance international relationship. The 4 month wait to go to Singapore is piddly in comparision and that was hard enough!!
I guess the small silver lining to all this crap and the time you have spent apart and contacting onl via WWW is that you know intellectually you’re very compatible.
You’re a damn persistant lady Lori, its going happen..its more about when.
-F-
September 12th, 2007 at 11:02 pm
thanks
we plan on sticking it out for the long term. It’s going to be worth it.
November 9th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Thank you so much for this post, Lori! I am currently in a long-distance relationship and he is in Perth, Australia and I am here in the Philippines. It’s hard but just like you said in your post, he and I are willing to make it work and he and i want the same thing: to be with each other. I am so grateful that I came to read this, during the time that I feel the frustration of being physically distant with my loved one. It has helped a lot and I appreciate him more than ever!