The Angry Dieter

I haven’t written here in a while, mostly due to the fact I feel much happier about the life I have now.

I jave just returned from a two week trip to Sweden where I met my Swede’s family. It was quite possibly the busiest and best two weeks of my life.

During those two weeks a couple of things occurred to me, that the family of the man going to marry me was looking forward to seeing me. They were surely prepping questions about my family, myself. Could I meet their expectations? They’re definitely much more traditional than my family.

Something else occurred to me when I was travelling with the Swede around the Southern part of sweden, I still sometimes wanted to use X’s name in certain types of situations and phrases that I’ve used before would gurgle up to my lips and I’d have to think hard and not say what I was going to say. Before I got into this relationship, I didn’t know that I’d have these new issues. I guess you don’t know when it stops.

I talked to the Swede about it on one of our long drives during this visit. In the 3 years we’ve been together, I hadn’t said anything, but we will be living together soon enough as man and wife so at some point, I might accidently say my X’s name. So, I explained to him how this was something I was having problems with, not big problems but it is none the less an issue. He seemed to understand, as I said to him, I didn’t know who to talk about this with, since it wasn’t really something I have heard about from others in my friend circle - perhaps we are too ashamed to admit it.

Then I was struck with a thought, The Swede’s brother lost his wife 2 years ago, then he met someone new, She is lovely woman and they now have one child together. I theorised to my Swede that perhaps his brother was in a similar position, he seemed to think it was possible, but it’s not something a bloke shares really.

When I got to meet his brother for a second time, it was beautiful to see him smiling and cuddling his daughter. When I’d met him three years previously, he was full of love for life. Towards the end of the night I had a small chat with his new wife. I mentioned to her that I had been in a previous relationship and that I’d discovered I had problems now with breaking speech habits.

She asked what I meant, I told her about the name issue. That I have to watch what I say so I didn’t say my X’s name. She nodded and then mentioned that in the first few months of their relationship it was like that. But she felt after 18 months that it should have changed and she sometimes felt hurt. Then it was my turn to offer advice.. that he would not be doing it deliberately, that like me, he had to undo years of habits, that like me, he would be aware and would feel as bad as I do.

Then she switched back to the hostess like a light switching off and then it was time to go.

No one tells you about the small things that happen when you start new relationships when starting again after a long term relationship. Maybe they should write a book about that.

September 1st, 2009 | Category: Blogging | Subscribe to comments | Leave a comment | Trackback URL